The Four Agreements

In 2003, a friend of mine, Catherine Martinez challenged me, "Are you proud of who you are?" I answered quickly, "of course! I love who I am". Then, she suggested that I read the book, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

I read the entire book and it was really good actually.

I've said for many years that none of this is new to me, it's just interesting to hear different ways of articulating the same things. I've known all of the lessons he teaches in his book for quite some time, but it was just difficult to put some of those ideals into action.

I realized, that I was very satisfied with where I was in life. I loved my life ... I LOVE IT!!!

The book suggests that you make 4 vital agreements with yourself to ensure your personal freedom:
1. Be impeccable with your words. This means that you carefully consider every word you use so that you do not "sin" with your words. In other words, you don't hurt others and/or yourself with your words.

2. Don't make assumptions. If you don't know ... ask questions. You know what ... sometimes, you learn a lot about the other person, the situation, or life period, from the time and consideration you take to form the questions themselves.

3. Don't take anything personally. I like this one. It's funny because he said to not take compliments or complaints - personally. In other words, the outside influences of other people are a result of their agreements with the world, their prejudices, and their experiences. So ... you have to reassure yourself that you know yourself and you are satisfied with that. PERIOD. Don't take their compliments as an assertion of your goodness or their criticisms as an affirmation of how bad you are. You must know you ... and trust your own heart. Don't depend on outside judgments to determine who YOU are. Only YOU can know YOU.

4. Always do your best. I believed in this, but didn't always put it into practice, but ... I started doing it more and more ... for real. I realized that when I was working, I would get a task from my partner and I did the least common demoninator to get the job done. I didn't really even push myself very much any more to show off what I could really do. So .. I pushed myself more to learn new SQL techniques and just made an extra effort to impress myself with my skills.

Anyways, I like the approach or the worldview that the Toltecs understand about life as a "dream" and a complex series of agreements that we've formed with other human beings. In other words, this is a hotel because we've agreed in large numbers to refer to this as a "hotel", or "tv", or "man" ... or "woman". We just have to pick and choose which agreements we will continue to enforce and which we will have to break in order to ensure our personal freedom.

This is another strong point because ... not all agreements are positive. And ... moreover, some are imposed and were not negotiated or agreed upon by a meeting of the minds of both parties, so ... we need to reevaluate some of the agreements that we've formed.

It touched me in some very poignant ways when I look back at my life and the wisdom I've gained. Like I always say, I know what my purpose here is. I didn't always know, but ... every since my divorce and my change of career, I realized what it was.

It's two-prong: (1) to teach and (2) to spread love. I TRULY believe that I am doing both. Moreover, I believe that I am doing my BEST at both of those things. My agreement that I've formed with myself is in spite of outside criticism or even acceptance of this stated purpose, I promise MYSELF and God, to fulfill my purpose ... DAILY.

So ... people I come into contact with ... I try to make my words impeccable (I NEVER lie), try not to make assumptions (people hate the number of questions I ask, but like India Arie said, 'I'm interested!'), I try not to take anything personally, and I do my BEST to teach and be patient (through love) until people learn from me ... to dance, enjoy/appreciate life, experience love ... etc.

To answer her question more intelligently, "I am proud of who I am; not because of where I am and what I've accomplished, but because of the path and the progress I made to reach here."

That's who I am. S-E-A-N ;-)

I highly recommend this book as a starter on your journey to personal freedom, self-confidence and respect. Thank you Catherine for loving me enough to challenge me.